"Movement" (ROUGH CUT)

Self Critique for the rough cut of "Movement"

So, "Movement" is finally done.... sort of. Since I missed class due to me being sick last week, I was behind in the whole audio department. I had a rough time in Final Cut Pro, since I had to basically freestyle the whole audio bit. I'm happy to be done with it, let me tell. The cut is still rough; I am definitely looking forward to showing the piece in class, get feedback, and then writing another self-critique. 

But, since I am here to critique myself, I due have some things that I regret. The acting from Kelsey, while good mostly, is wooden in a few areas, and the dialogue can be dead pan at times. Their are a few scenes where cars drive by, and while I did edit around them, it would have worked better if I had just reshot in the first place. Next, I need to pay more attention to my presence and ambient noise. I was able to fiddle with the volume levels, and it's a good thing that I recorded presence before I did anything else, because I was able to loop it in to join the scenes, but I need to pay more attention to the mic levels.

All around though, I'm very satisfied with the project. Kelsey was fun to work with, and I was able to fully realize my idea, I think. I definitely need to ask Jill a few transition questions, but I am happy with it.

Breakdown of "Movement"

      My main focus with this piece is to illustrate an idea being formed, triggered by a random occurrence.
      We start with Kim, a young woman who, for one reason or another, is plagued by writer's block. Since she can't sleep, she heads out into the early morning to get some fresh air, feeling suffocated by her small room and her writer's block. She ends up in a park, where she slowly begins to relax. Once there, she sees a well groomed, well dressed man, laying on a bench asleep. This confuses her, and piques her curiosity. She doesn't interact with the man, but as she begins to make her way around the park, she dwells on the thought of that man. Eventually, she conceives a backstory for the man, and her inspiration swells. She hurries back to her apartment, where she begins to type furiously, overtaken by this idea.
        Their are three scenes to the film. They basically go "Scene 1: inside, cramped" to "Scene 2: outside, open" to "Scene 3: inside, open." The transitions between each scene is going to be cuts, but it won't be too jarring because each will begin/end with Kim moving to somewhere. By establishing a general atmosphere for each scene, it will allow me differentiate between them, while the voice over and the movement will help smooth them all together.
         Kim's character is the standard "starts out stressed over something, gets over it, and realizes something" character. All of her dialogue is voice over, which helps us establish a portrait of her mental space. Her dialogue for scene 1 and about the first half of scene two illustrates how tired she is, how exasperated she is with her mental block. This is shown by the curt, fragmented lines of her thoughts. However, as the piece unfolds and her brain starts developing these ideas, she begins to think in long passages, paragraphs. The lines will start off quietly, questioning her ideas, but will escalate to excitement: she's finally broken through her mental block and she is ecstatic. Her general demeanor at the end of the piece is going to focused, completely encompassed by this thought that she's building.
      The man on the bench is a simple character- he's less of a character and more of a catalyst for the idea that Kim has that blossoms into a story that breaks her block.
       For the actors, I'm going to need 2- one for Kim, the other for the man. The man's job is easy- lay on the bench and be "asleep." However, the woman who plays Kim has to have some experience with taking direction and delivering lines. Thankfully, Kelsey Worley has been a part of numerous theatrical productions and follows direction very well. She will be a pleasure to work with, and I think that she fits the bill well for the type of character I'm going for.
      In the way of stunts, effects, make up, special props.... really, there aren't any. I will probably need a microphone for the voice over dialogue, but honestly, there's not a lot going on in this script. It's not so much about the spectacle than it is the story of the escalation of an idea. The visuals are merely a means to an end, and there won't be any fancy effects.
       In the way of locations, I will be using 2: a small dormitory room and bathroom (in order to push the "suffocation" idea) and the park on Poplar Avenue, Memphis, Tn, as well as the areas in between (sidewalk, crosswalk). These are ideal because they are two radically different places that are relatively close to one another.
      The main power and light sources  will be illustrated in an upcoming post that will also include location shots. Stay tuned.

Pictures for "Movement"

This is a picture of the actors: on the left, Kelsey Britton Worley (Kim), and on the right, Nicolas Steven Pflug (Man on the Bench).

This is Kim's bathroom. Will be used in the opening shot.

This is Kim's room. I want it to feel cluttered, so it really drives home the idea that she is suffocating in her room.

The laptop.

Two views of sidewalk outside of the apartment.

View of sidewalk between crosswalk and apartment.

Crosswalk.

Views of the park.

"Movement" Script (mid-term)

*note: all dialogue, unless otherwise noted, is voice over. The voice we are hearing is Kim’s mind as it thinks.

Scene 1

BLACK

KIM: Dammit. Another night, nothing.

cut to interior, bathroom: Kim looks into mirror. She stares into her eyes blankly. She is dissheveled, exhausted-looking. She sighs, then splashes water in her face, slowly dries it off.

K: God. So tired.

She turns off the light, BLACK. Cut to intr., bedroom. The room is dirty; fast food bags on the ground, crumpled paper balls on the ground. It’s lit by a soft lamp next to the bed and a lit laptop screen on the desk. Kim sits at the desk, stares at the computer. She places her fingers on the keyboard, but doesn’t type. After a pause, she sighs, and holds her head in her hands, still looking at the blank screen.

K: Stop staring.

She closes the laptop in exasperation. She groans out loud, moves to bed.

K: Fuck this.

She lays down in her bed, reaches up to turn off the light. BLACK. Pause. There is an audible rustling. Kim reaches up for the light, turns it back on. She sits on the side of the bed. She leans forward, resting her head in hands. Pause. She then stands up. 

K: Screw it.

She grabs a coat, some sandals, and walks out the door. 

Scene 2

cut to exterior, sidewalk. It’s early morning, sun beginning to rise. Kim walks down the sidewalk quickly, almost as if she is running away from her room and her laptop.

K: Clear my head. Get some air. Feel suffocated.

She realizes it’s cold, pulls on her coat. Still wearing her pajamas, she slows down as she gets closer to the street to cross into the park. She rubs her arms to warm up.

K: Cold.

When she gets to the street, she glances around quickly and jaywalks. There is a shot of the sunrise, then a cut to Kim in the park, walking along a winding sidewalk. She walks up to a tree, pulls a leaf from it. She continues walking down the path slowly, twirling the leaf in her fingers. 

K: It’s beginning to feel good out here. Maybe I should get writer’s block more often. 

She examines the leaf, and then gently puts into her pocket. As she walks on, she eventually happens upon a bench. She’s quiet. As she sits down on the bench, she stretches and stifles a yawn.

K: So tired.

As she leans back in the bench, she closes her eyes. Pause, reflecting on the silence of the park in the early morning. After a little while, she looks around her, and notices a man in a bench, laying asleep on his side a few yards from her. She does a double take.

K: Hm?

She examines the man from her bench. He’s wearing a suit. He’s clean-shaven, and his hair, while a little messy, is a respectable length.  He is asleep, sprawled out along the bench.

K: Why is he wearing a suit? (pause) He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy you would normally see sleeping in the park. Wonder what happened? Maybe I should... 

She stands, begins to walk towards the man. About halfway, though, she stops.

K: No... shouldn’t wake him.

She begins to walk off. She glances back towards him, curious, and continues walking. After a pause, her mind returns to the man.

K: I wonder why he’s asleep on a bench. (pause) Maybe he was kicked out of his apartment. (pause) No, that doesn’t make sense. His suit was nice. So he  wasn’t behind on rent. And he didn’t seem dirty or anything. So he wasn’t evicted.

She makes her way to a playground, sits on a swing. She absentmindedly pushes herself back and forth.

K: Well, what if his girlfriend kick him out? (pause) Well, that makes more sense. But why? (pause) Well, he seemed like a nice enough guy. So he wasn’t a drunk. Didn’t hit her.

She begins to swing.

K: Well, what if he was just distant. Maybe they’d been dating forever and it just... ended.

She stops swinging, steps off. She begins to walk along the sidewalk again. It’s bright out now.

K: Well, if there was a relationship, it’s obviously strained now. Why else would he be out here. (pause) What’s with the suit?

She walks slowly down the path, her face blank with thought.

K: Did he go to a funeral? A wedding? Baptism?

Her face perks up a little, she walks a little faster.

K: What if... he’s a college grad. He’s been mooching off his girlfriend until he can find work. (pause) The suit’s for job interviews.

She is walking briskly now, her energy picking up.

K: His girlfriend is tired of it, and offers him an ultimatum. If he doesn’t come back with a job, he’s packing his bags and leaving. She can’t support two people.

She gets to crosswalk, runs across the street.

K: So, he gets a nice suit with whatever money he has, and goes out, confident he can get a job. But after a day’s worth of walking around he realizes nobody is hiring.

She’s now jogging back towards her building, her ideas flowing freely now.

K: So, ashamed, he doesn’t return, scared that his girlfriend will kick him out. Having no where else to go, he goes to the park to figure out what he is going to do, and falls asleep on the bench...

Black.

Scene 3

Cut to intr. Bedroom. Kim is sitting at her desk, typing franticly. She begins to read what’s on the screen, in her head.

K: John slowly began to walk up the stairs. Never before had he felt so tired, so lost. He didn’t recognize the door when he first stood in front of it, but upon looking again, something inside of him clicked. A slow, steady warmth, a strength, began to blossom inside him. He hadn’t find the thing he was looking for yesterday, yes, but he had never felt more alone as he had when he laid on that bench. For that one night, he had known what true fear was. Compared to that, the confrontation that was waiting on the other side of that door was nothing. He took a deep, paused breath, and opened the door... (her voice trails off)

Black.

Credits.