Self Asessment on Proj. 1 Redo

As far as the story and intent goes, the project hasn't changed. It's still about a guy waking up and spending an entire day doing  nothing but  read, in order to illustrate the concept that fictional place can be more engrossing than reality. I like the idea of place as a narrative device and playing off of that.

Hopefully, I have fulfilled my concept. The main problem holding back my last one was pacing, which caused a lack of interest overall. I sped up up a lot of cuts, cut out two and a half minutes worth of footage, and made even more jump cuts. Instead of spending 5-7 seconds on each shot of the character reading, I started at 4 seconds, and with each one quicken the pace a little, until each shot only lasts a second. The continuous movement, plus the punctuated sound of the character turning the pages, really drive this piece. Is it perfect? No, I don't think so. There are still more pacing problems, and I couldn't really develop much of a story, but that just is the nature of my concept- while it may be boring to watch, people reading (or any other form of escapism) is boring to watch on screen, so I was fighting that, as well as my camera limitations, the whole way through. It can still use some work, but I'm satisfied with it as a first attempt as a film.

To address the problems I listed previously with the first edit-

(While I did experiment with the editing and it does work well in some parts, the overall piece need more visual excitement.)
1.) By speeding up the cuts/ moving around quicker and cutting all extraneous footage, the piece moves quicker and, over all, is more interesting to watch.

(I need to lose the title, for a few reasons. One, it distracts from the overall piece. Two, since it's presented in such a way (crappy piece of paper with shitty handwriting), it gives the audience an expectation of, well, shit. And, three, it deserves a better title.)
2.) Lost the title "screen" altogether- it was distracting and completely unnecessary.

(I need to trim down the reading scenes, and find a way to make them not boring. I mean, you're watching a character read a book. Not exciting stuff. Find a way to make it better.)
3.) To address this problem, I did a steady progressive trim from the first reading sequence, until eventually each shot lasts a second.

(Needs a hook)
4.) My hook is the continuous, repeated movement of my character.